Written
October 2003.....When I was just a little kid, my mom had all types
of cancer. Lymphoma, cancer in her spinal cord, cancer in her brain, and finally,
leukemia. She was always in the hospital and I barely got to see her. Some
of my first memories of my mom were her hooked up to a machine and with needles
sticking out of her arms. Finally, two months before my seventh birthday,
and nine days before her thirty-seventh, on March 10, 1997she passed away
in her sleep. I remember crying like a weeping willow that day, and the worst
part of it to me today is that everyone knew, but they didn’t tell me. I know
I was too young to understand, but I couldn’t help but feel angry about it.
Yesterday was the first time in three years that i have cried about her, and
I’m thirteen. My new mom has a way of making me feel better abut when I do
cry, and I always end up smiling again. I have a little brother and an older
brother now, and I play with them all the time.
Sometimes, to help myself feel better, I’ll sing a song that reminds me of
her. It’s called Deep Forest and it’s in Japanese. And when I don’t want to
think about it, I’ll sing Simple and Clean which reminds me of my little brother.
The chorus goes: “When you walk away, you don’t hear me say, “Please. Oh baby!
Don’t go!” Simple and clean is the way that you’re makin’ me feel tonight.
It’s hard to let it go.” And the translation for Deep Forest goes: “We live
our lives, unable to cry out, but I will live and I will find the heart I
left behind in the deep, deep forest of time.”
Sometimes, when stuff like this happens, something in your head clicks and
you think, “Enough tears. I’ll do something about this!” That’s what happened
with me. I still talk to her and I imagine what she’d say back. My new mom
came to me a few weeks back and said, “We’ve got an idea, Sam! We can make
a new foundation to help the Leukemia Lymphoma Society! We’ll call it the
Talbert Family Foundation and the money we raise will go to patient care!”
I suppose that just like the song, I will find the heart I lost in the deep,
deep forest of time. I’m just entering the woods right about now, but not
alone. I’ve got my dad, my new mom, my older brother, and my little brother
to help me. And when it’s the younger one’s turn to enter the forest, I’ll
go with him to help him find his heart, too. Contact Samantha here
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Samantha
has written a book called "Ryan be a Bruin". She is donating the proceeds from the book to the Talbert Family Foundation.
To order your copy at $25.00 click here and let us know how many copies you want. I promise you'll
enjoy it. |
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